How to Use This Checklist
This isn’t a test to pass. It’s a mirror, a prayerful look at your heart, your growth, and the person you’re considering. Read each section slowly. Check off what’s already true, leave blank what still needs work, and let the unchecked items be your prayer list.
Best used: before you start dating someone, and during the early months of dating, as a regular check-in. Print it, keep it on your nightstand, or tick boxes right here on this page (your checks save as you go).
1. Your Heart with God
Before you can be a covenant partner, you must be rooted in covenant with Christ.
- I have a personal, daily relationship with Jesus Christ, not inherited, not cultural.
- I know my identity is in Christ, not in being loved or chosen by a person.
- I can be alone with God and not feel lonely.
- My life’s direction is led by prayer, Scripture, and godly counsel.
- I would still follow God if this relationship never happened.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” ~ Psalm 37:4
2. Your Heart with Yourself
You cannot give what you haven’t received. Healing comes before partnership.
- I’ve named the wounds from my past (family, exes, trauma) and am actively healing.
- I don’t need a partner to complete me, I already feel whole in Christ.
- I’ve forgiven the people who hurt me (not excused, forgiven).
- I know my triggers and I don’t pretend they aren’t there.
- I’ve done the work: counseling, mentorship, deliverance, or deep study as needed.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” ~ Psalm 147:3
3. About the Person You’re Considering
Don’t rush past this. These are not red flags; they’re anchors.
- They have a personal, growing relationship with Jesus, visible in their life, not just words.
- They are in a healthy community (church, small group, mentors who know them).
- They treat their family, servers, strangers, and co-workers with consistent respect.
- They handle conflict with grace, truth, and ownership, not blame, manipulation, or silence.
- Their past, present, and future are open to me, no hidden chapters.
- Their closest friends and pastor speak well of their character.
- They honor boundaries, mine, God’s, and their own.
- They can name what they’re working on in themselves without defensiveness.
“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” ~ 2 Corinthians 6:14
4. Your Community & Accountability
Dating in secret always goes sideways. People who love you should know.
- I have a mentor or pastor who knows I’m dating and can speak truth to me.
- I have 2, 3 trusted friends who can ask hard questions and I’ll answer honestly.
- My family has met (or will soon meet) the person I’m dating.
- I’ve introduced them to my community, not hidden them from it.
- I don’t isolate from my community when the relationship gets intense.
“Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” ~ Proverbs 13:20
5. Practical Readiness
Dating is about building a life together. Your life must be buildable.
- I’m financially stable, living within my means, saving, and giving.
- I know how I’d respond to their existing debt, child(ren), or family obligations.
- I’m physically and mentally healthy, or actively getting help where I need it.
- I have a clear sense of calling, career, and direction, even if still forming.
- I have time and space to invest in a real relationship without neglecting God, work, or community.
“Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?” ~ Luke 14:28
6. Kingdom Compatibility
Covenant partnership isn’t just “do we love each other”, it’s “can we build the kingdom together?”
- We’re aligned on the core of faith: Jesus, Scripture, prayer, church, the Gospel.
- We’ve talked openly about purity, physical boundaries, and waiting for marriage.
- We’ve discussed children, whether, when, how we’d raise them in Christ.
- We’ve discussed how we’d handle money, careers, and calling as one household.
- We laugh together, grow together, and sharpen each other (Prov 27:17).
- I can picture doing ministry, suffering, serving, and raising a family with this person.
- We both believe marriage is covenant, not contract, for life.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” ~ Proverbs 27:17
If several boxes are unchecked, that’s not failure, it’s information.
Unchecked items are your prayer list for this season. Take one area at a time. Invite mentors in. Don’t rush. The right relationship, at the right time, with the right person, that is a covenant worth preparing for.
A Prayer for Dating Wisdom
“Father, search me and know me. Show me where I’m whole, where I’m healing, and where I’m still wounded. Give me the courage to be honest about what I see. Protect my heart from what isn’t for me and prepare me for what is. When I meet the person You’ve called me to walk with, give me discernment. Help me date with wisdom, patience, and purity, and help me wait on Your timing rather than my loneliness. Above all, keep my eyes on Jesus, so that whether I’m single or partnered, my life reflects His covenant love. In His name, amen.”
