JOIN LOGIN DONATE

How to Help

A Practical Guide for Supporting Families in Crisis

When someone you love is walking through a crisis, it can be hard to know what to do. You want to help, but you are afraid of saying the wrong thing or overstepping boundaries. This guide will equip you with practical, compassionate strategies for supporting families when they need it most.

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

~ Galatians 6:2 (NIV)

1. What to Say (and What NOT to Say)

Words carry tremendous power during a crisis. The right words can bring comfort and hope. The wrong words, even when well-intentioned, can cause additional pain. Here is your guide to navigating these sensitive conversations.

Say This

  • "I am so sorry you are going through this."
  • "I love you and I am here for you."
  • "You do not have to be strong right now."
  • "I am praying for you. Can I pray with you right now?"
  • "I do not know what to say, but I want you to know I care."
  • "What do you need most right now?"
  • "I am bringing dinner Tuesday. What allergies should I know about?"
  • "Take all the time you need. I am not going anywhere."
  • "It is okay to not be okay."
  • "I am holding space for you in my heart and prayers."

Avoid Saying This

  • "Everything happens for a reason."
  • "God never gives you more than you can handle."
  • "At least..." (any sentence starting this way minimizes pain)
  • "I know exactly how you feel."
  • "You should..." or "Have you tried..."
  • "Stay positive!" or "Look on the bright side."
  • "Let me know if you need anything." (too vague; offer specifics)
  • "God must have a plan." (true, but not helpful in the moment)
  • "You are so strong." (can feel like pressure to perform)
  • Sharing stories about others with similar problems

The Ministry of Presence

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply show up and be present. You do not need to have answers or solutions. Job's friends sat with him in silence for seven days before they spoke (Job 2:13). That was the best thing they did. Often, a quiet, loving presence speaks louder than any words.

2. Practical Help Ideas

When crisis hits, everyday tasks become overwhelming. Practical help is one of the most meaningful ways you can love someone through difficulty. Here are specific, actionable ideas organized by category.

Meals & Food

Prepare and deliver home-cooked meals in disposable containers (so they do not have to return dishes).
Send a grocery delivery through Instacart, Walmart, or a local service. Include staples: bread, milk, eggs, fruit, snacks for kids.
Drop off a "snack basket" with easy grab-and-go items: granola bars, nuts, dried fruit, crackers, juice boxes.
Bring paper plates, cups, and utensils so they do not have to wash dishes.
Stock their freezer with meals that can be reheated easily. Label each container with contents, date, and reheating instructions.
Provide gift cards to local restaurants or food delivery services.

Errands & Household

Mow their lawn, rake leaves, or shovel snow without being asked.
Do their laundry: pick it up, wash, fold, and return.
Clean their house or hire a cleaning service for them.
Walk their dog, feed their pets, or take animals to vet appointments.
Take their car for an oil change, fill the gas tank, or handle any needed maintenance.
Pick up prescriptions from the pharmacy.
Handle their mail: sort it, pay urgent bills if authorized, return library books.

Childcare

Offer to pick up and drop off children at school, activities, or church.
Host their children for a playdate or sleepover so parents can rest or attend appointments.
Help with homework supervision or after-school care.
Pack school lunches for the week.
Coordinate with other parents to share carpool duties.
Bring age-appropriate activity kits to keep children occupied during hospital visits or waiting times.

Emotional & Spiritual Support

Send a handwritten card or note of encouragement. Written words can be read again and again.
Text a Scripture verse each morning. Keep it short and do not expect a reply.
Create a prayer journal for them where friends and family can write prayers and encouragements.
Give them a devotional book focused on comfort, such as "Jesus Calling" or "Streams in the Desert."
Make a playlist of worship and comfort songs and share it with them.
Simply sit with them. Watch a movie, share a cup of tea, or sit quietly together.

3. How to Organize a Support Team

One of the most impactful things you can do is organize the community's response so the family in crisis is not overwhelmed by uncoordinated help.

Step 1: Identify a Coordinator

Choose one person (ideally someone close to the family but not in the immediate crisis) to serve as the point person. This coordinator will manage communication between helpers and the family, ensuring needs are met without duplication or gaps.

Step 2: Assess Needs

Have a sensitive conversation with the family or their closest representative to identify specific needs. Create a needs list that includes meals, childcare, transportation, household tasks, pet care, financial assistance, and spiritual support.

Step 3: Create a Communication Hub

Set up a private group (Facebook group, WhatsApp group, or GroupMe) where the coordinator can post updates and needs. Establish clear guidelines: be respectful of privacy, do not share information outside the group, and direct all questions to the coordinator rather than the family.

Step 4: Use a Scheduling Tool

Use free online tools to organize help:

Step 5: Respect Boundaries

Always check before visiting. Some days the family may need space. Coordinate drop-off times so they are not interrupted constantly. Leave items at the door if they do not answer. Never share medical or personal information without explicit permission.

4. Meal Train Coordination: A Complete Guide

A well-organized meal train is one of the most practical gifts you can give. Here is how to set one up effectively.

Setting Up the Meal Train

  1. Gather essential information: family size, dietary restrictions and allergies, preferred delivery times, address and any delivery instructions (doorbell, gate code, etc.).
  2. Choose your platform (Meal Train, Take Them A Meal, or a simple shared spreadsheet).
  3. Set a realistic schedule. For the first week, daily meals may be needed. After that, every other day or three times a week may be sufficient.
  4. Include a "gift card" option for people who cannot cook or are far away.
  5. Share the link with your community, church, workplace, and neighborhood groups.

Meal Train Best Practices

5. Supporting From a Distance

You do not have to be geographically close to make a meaningful impact. Here are ways to support from afar.

Send a care package: comfort items like cozy socks, tea, a devotional book, a scented candle, and snacks.
Order grocery delivery or meal kit delivery to their home through online services.
Send gift cards for gas, groceries, restaurants, or online shopping via email.
Set up a recurring delivery of flowers or a small gift every week or two to remind them they are thought of.
Schedule regular video calls or phone calls. Put it on your calendar so you do not forget as time goes on.
Contribute to their medical fund or help organize a GoFundMe if they are open to it.
Research resources in their area: support groups, counselors, churches, meal programs. Send them a curated list.
Hire a local cleaning service, lawn service, or handyman and pay for several visits.
Send a daily text of encouragement or Scripture. A simple "Thinking of you today" means more than you know.
Organize a letter-writing campaign: ask mutual friends to each write a letter and mail them over several weeks.

6. Long-Term Support Strategies

The immediate aftermath of a crisis receives an outpouring of support. But weeks and months later, when the cards stop coming and the meals taper off, that is when families often feel the most alone. Long-term support is where true community shines.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

~ Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

The 3-Month Check-In Plan

Set reminders on your calendar to check in at these intervals:

Remembering the Hard Days

Mark these dates in your calendar and reach out every year:

A simple text saying "I am thinking of you today. I know this date is hard" can mean the world.

Avoiding Compassion Fatigue

Long-term support requires sustainable rhythms. You cannot pour into someone indefinitely without refilling your own cup. Build a rotating team of supporters so no one person carries the full weight. Take care of your own emotional health. It is okay to set boundaries while still being a faithful friend.

7. Recognizing When Professional Help Is Needed

As a friend and community member, you play an essential role. But some situations require professional intervention. Knowing when to guide someone toward professional help is itself an act of love.

Signs That Professional Help May Be Needed

How to Suggest Professional Help

Approach the conversation with gentleness and without judgment:

"I love you and I care about how you are doing. I have noticed you have been really struggling, and I want to make sure you have all the support you need. Have you considered talking to a counselor? There is no shame in getting professional support - it is actually one of the bravest things you can do. I can help you find someone if you would like."

Resources to Share

8. Supporting Through Specific Crises

Serious Illness or Hospitalization

Offer to be a hospital companion during long waits. Help manage the flow of visitors so the patient is not overwhelmed. Take notes during doctor appointments if the family wants help remembering information. Help with insurance calls and paperwork. Remember that recovery is often longer than expected - continue support well past discharge.

Loss and Grief

Say the name of the person who died. Do not avoid mentioning them for fear of causing pain - the family is already in pain, and hearing their loved one's name is a comfort. Show up at the funeral AND three weeks later when everyone else has moved on. Grief does not have a timeline. Let them grieve at their own pace without trying to rush them through stages.

Job Loss or Financial Crisis

Help review their resume or connect them with professional contacts. Offer financial assistance without making them feel ashamed. Help research assistance programs. Be sensitive about invitations to events or activities that cost money. Practical gifts like gas cards and grocery gift cards preserve dignity while meeting real needs.

Family Crisis (Divorce, Estrangement)

Do not take sides or ask for details. Simply love them. Help with practical needs that arise from the family restructuring (moving, childcare schedule changes, legal paperwork). Children in these situations need extra stability and reassurance from trusted adults in their lives.

A Final Encouragement

"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth."

~ 1 John 3:18 (NIV)

You do not have to be perfect to be a help. You do not need to have all the answers. You just need to show up, with love in your heart and a willingness to serve. God will multiply your efforts and use your hands and feet to be His tangible presence in someone's darkest hour.

The fact that you are reading this guide means you care. That already makes you exactly the kind of friend someone in crisis needs.

Want to join our Community Support team?

Get Involved Today